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Banana Republic of Paquador

República Bananera del Paquador (Spanish)
Flag of Paquador
Motto: "Patria o la Tumba"
"Fatherland or the grave"
Anthem: Paquador!
and largest city
Official languagesSpanish
95% Catholic
GovernmentBanana republic
• President
Waldo Gustavo Prat
LegislatureMilitary junta
Independence from Spain
• Declared
14 May 1811
• 2018 estimate
GDP (PPP)2019 estimate
• Per capita
GDP (nominal)2019 estimate
• Per capita
CurrencyPeso (PAP)
Time zoneUTC-4 (UTC)
• Summer (DST)
Driving sideright
Calling code+595
ISO 3166 codePQ
Internet TLD.pq

Paquador, officially the Banana Republic of Paquador (Spanish: República Bananera del Paquador), is a small, landlocked country in South America.

With a population of 4 million people Paquador is the smallest nation in South America in terms of both area and population. It has one of the worlds poorest and smallest economies with 90% of its people liveing below the poverty line. It has a high corruption rating as well as the worst income equality rating in the world. The nation's economy is primarily agricultural. Paquadorian society has extremely stratified social classes, with a large impoverished lower and working class which is primarily agricultural and rural based, and a ruling-class plutocracy, composed of the business, political and military elites of society. Wealth is concentrated in the country's urban centers and in the hands of a few prominent families. Due to this Paquador is the birthplace of the pejorative term "banana republic" .

Following independence from Spain at the beginning of the 19th century, Paquador was ruled by a series of authoritarian governments who generally implemented nationalist, isolationist and protectionist policies. In the early 1900's the country entered a period of military dictatorships, that lasted until 1992. This marked the beginning of the "democratic era" of Paquador. Throughout its history Paquador has consistently endured much social strife and political instability, and remains one of the poorest countries in the Western Hemisphere and is notable for never having a single peaceful handover of power throughout its 200 years of history.

Paquador is famous for having the worlds longest national anthem, the highest number of coups throughout its history as well as having guinea pig as the nations favourite dish. Its national football team is more famous for their horrendous haircuts than their skill at the game and the country has a navy despite being completely landlocked.



The toco toucan is Paquador's national bird.


Bananas are Paquador's main exports.
A ship picking up Paquadorian bananas for export.

Main industries: timber, fruits, gold

Latin America's poorest economy, Paquador is on the brink of economic collapse. With few natural resources, there is almost no foreign investment. The economy has little to no diversification, focusing solely on single commodities which have varied over the last decades. Almost the entire economy is propped up by the agricultural sector making it extremely vulnerable to natural disasters.

Poverty and corruption levels are crippling. Government debt is likely to have surpassed 120% of GDP and climbing, and inflation is beginning to become unmanageable as a result. Despite considerable gold deposits, there is a lack of investment to extract and what is mined is only exported when the government needs to fund more military expenses.

Paquador depends heavily on foreign assistance to finance development projects and to pay public staff. At the end of 2002, the government owed $4.5 billion to its foreign creditors, with $1.6 billion of this amount owed to other governments and most of the balance owed to multilateral development banks.

Government and Politics

Administrative divisions

Paquador consists of 9 departments (Spanish: departamentos). The nine deparments are:

  • Amazonas
  • Concepción
  • Corrientes
  • El Oro
  • La Libertad
  • Madre de Dios
  • Misiones
  • Santa Cruz
  • Valverde

The departments are further divided into districts (distritos).

Legislative branch

The National Congress (Congreso Nacional) is the legislature of Paquador. The congress is bicameral, the lower house is the 60 seat Chamber of Deputies (Cámara de Diputados) and the higher house is the 30 seat Senate (Senado).

Seats are divided as following, the ruling party gains two thirds and the opposition party gains a third. However, in effect, the congress is a mere rubber stamping institution which masquerades as a democratic institution.

All real legislative power lies with the ruling military junta at the time which usually consists of the head of each branch of the National Guard.

Political parties

Only two parties are allowed. The governing Progressive Liberal Party and the opposition Nationalist Liberal Party. In effect both parties are the same and are both run by the ruling government to give the impression of democracy.


A M4 Sherman tank of the National Guard during a coup, 1979.

The National Guard (Spanish: Guardia Nacional, otherwise known as la Guardia GN) is a militia and a gendarmerie. It acts as both the armed forces and police force of Paquador which gives it huge influence in society. It is notorious for human rights abuses and corruption. It regular interferes in politics.


The Technical Division for the Prevention of Delinquency (Spanish:División Técnica para la Prevención de la Delincuenci DTPD, is the intelligence agency and secret police of Paquador. It is know to use murder, kidnapping, torture, extorsion and terror to achieve its goals.

Members of DTPD are known as "caliés" (Thugs).



Cuy asado (grilled guinea pig)

The traditional staples of Paquadorian cuisine are corn, potatoes, quinoa and beans. These ingredients have been combined with a number of staples brought by the Spanish, such as rice and wheat. Meat comes from indigenous animals like alpacas and cuy (guinea pigs), but also from imported livestock like sheep, chicken, cattle and swine. A wide variety of fresh fruit is available, including bananas, tree-grapes, and peach-palms.


The most popular sport in Paquador, as in most South American countries, is football. Its best known professional team is El Nacional from Concepción which is also the most successful football team in Paquador having never lost a single game in the domestic league. The matches of the Paquadorian national football team are the most-watched sporting events in the country.

Estadio Nacional after the 1973 Paquadorian coup d'état.

The national team play their games at the National Stadium (Estadio Nacional) which, between games is used as a detention facility for political prisoners.