Slavic Jam
| Slavic Jam | |
|---|---|
 Theatrical release poster | |
| Directed by | Matvei Pavlov |
| Written by | Matvei Pavlov |
| Produced by | Matvei Pavlov |
| Starring | |
| Cinematography | Matvei Pavlov |
| Edited by | Matvei Pavlov |
| Music by | Matvei Pavlov |
Production company | |
| Distributed by | Slavic Union |
Release date | TBA |
Running time | TBA |
| Country | Slavic Union |
| Language | Slavic |
| Budget | $230 million |
Slavic Jam, Or: The delightful tale of the Supreme Leader playing basketball to prevent foreign scum from stealing Rabbit Man and destroying the Slavic Union, greatest country in world is an upcoming Slavic epic sports comedy action film. The film is written, directed, and produced by Matvei Pavlov, Vozhd of the Slavic Union, in addition to being starred in by him. The films 230 million dollar budget is taken entirely from the Slavic treasury.
According to Pavlov the film will be "At least 4 hours long, maybe longer, we might have to split it into two or three films" and will include "At minimum 7 brutal killings of evil foreigners" he also stated that the film will be "Fun for whole family!" all Slavic citizens will be required by law to see the film in theaters upon release.
Premise
When a group of evil foreign leaders attempt to destroy the Slavic Union the only way Vozhd Matvei Pavlov can save his country is by beating them in a game of basketball.
Cast
- Matvei Pavlov as himself
The incredibly intelligent and masculine and great and awesome supreme leader of the Slavic Union, who is willing to do anything to save his motherland from being destroyed by evil foreigners.
- Edgar Gavrilov as the Rabbit Man
A very strong and powerful rabbit man who is a beloved hero of the Slavic Union, but evil foreigners wish to steal him for themselves.
- Nahum Yegorov as Zatticus Zoreau
A hideous and deformed hunchback and the leader of the evil foreigners, who rules over the nation of Amastan with an iron fist and every day comes down from his massive tower to punch his citizens in the face and dance on their unconscious bodies. He also is very jealous of Pavlov and wishes to destroy him for being too handsome and strong, Zoreau also resents how all women flock to Pavlov and like to spit on Zoreau.
- Mstislav Kudryashov as Quantonio Durafeo
An evil lizard man who throws rocks at soldiers because he hates war, and wishes to trick the Slavic Union into getting rid of their military by paying citizens to pretend to be against the army. He rules Detana
- Karp Gorbunov as Danz Melleaux
An evil robot that rules over Gavergnon.
- Hippolyte Tokaryev as Tallum TacMavish
A very stupid and ugly man who likes to eat rocks and drink toilet water. Is the ruler of Zuskayn