Pelegiad
Pelegiad the Cheeky | |
|---|---|
| File:Pelegiad.jpg Screenshot from 'The Adventures of Pelegiad' | |
| Earl of Banterbury (mythical) | |
| Assumed office 614BCE(?) | |
| Preceded by | Woden |
| Personal details | |
| Born | 200px (?) Banterbury ? (disputed) |
| Died | 200px |
| Resting place | 200px |
| Nationality | Brytisc |
| Spouse | Lady Marian of Nairndose |
| Parent |
|
| Profession | Explorer Adventurer Earl Drunkard |
Pelegiad is a legendary Brytisc figure dating from the 6th Century BCE.
He is famous for being the subject of a range of folklore and literary traditions detailing his adventures, quests, and exploits.
Early Life
No-one is quite sure of the circumstances of Pelegiad's birth. Some say he was born amidst thunder and storm, others say he was formed when a drunken smith spilt some ale into a vat of molten steel. There are no records as to his ancestry, or indeed his country of origin, though it is assumed he was Saxon.
The First Voyage of Pelegiad
The First Voyage of Pelegiad is the most mysterious. It is attested by several archeological finds and goods, include the Wat Huu burial and the Sandbury Hill Chalk Man.
In his First Voyage, it is believed that Pelegiad and an uncertain number of companions travelled to, and potentially discovered for the first time, Banff Bay, as evidenced by the inscriptions found at Wat Huu and the monument present at the Pennon Hills.
Wat Huu Burial
The Wat Huu burial, discovered in 1962 by Prof. Dr. Chaddingworth, consisted of a mound-type chamber burial in which an adult male skeleton was found, buried with a variety of grave goods and armour of Saxone origin. Several pots full of as-yet-unidentified bones were found in the grave, as well as a the following inscription carved into the rear wall:
IC HATTE RAEDWALD - My name is Raedwald
IC DRINCE EALU - I drink ale
GEFAREN FEOR FRAM HAM - Gone/died far from home
PELEGIAD IS MIN CYNG - My king is Pelegiad
The skeleton was carbon-dated to the 6th Century BCE, and was revealed to have been an adult male in his late 20s, roughly 5"11 and with a serious limp from a former injury to the leg. He is believed to have been killed by a thrust from an iron-tipped spear, potentially belonging to Celti peoples active in the area.
Sandbury Hill Chalk Man
The Sandbury Hill Chalk Man is a giant depiction of a bearded man, formed on the flank of Sandbury Hill from a series of trenches filled with crushed white gravel. Visible for several dozen miles around, the Chalk Man is a famous and well-known tourist site, and has been attested to throughout the ages.
Underneath the figure of the man, assumed to be Pelegiad, is the single word FUCK V. No-one is quite sure why.
The Earl and the Pearl
The 'Earl and the Pearl' is an epic poem that was found etched on a giant runestone near the town of Deepdale, in early Saxone runes, indicating an origin of roughly 4th Century BCE.
Upon his return from Brytene so fair
Pelegiad had to deal with a domestic affair
Silas of Ramsbury laid claim to his home
A dirty old man with a shiny bald dome
"Your home was a mess" said old Ramsbury
"You cannot be trusted, it should go to me"
"Fair point" said Pelegiad, peering around
There were rats on the table and turds on the ground
"I tell you what" said our mighty hero
"I'll make you a bet, if I lose I shall go"
"Whoever drinks the most shall then take the lot"
Old Silas cackled and agreed on the spot
It took them a day just to pile all the ale
Twenty tuns apiece, surely livers would fail
They both started chugging the sweet foamy drink
And Pelegiad started to ponder and think
'Twas six tuns later and neither slowed down
Thought Pelegiad "It be time for party town"
So he picked up a rat's turd and threw it up high
It plopped in the ale, unseen by mortal eye
Ramsbury chugged on, his victory assured
Until he imbibed that foam-covered turd
He started to gag and to splutter and choke
Whilst Pelegiad drank on like a top banter bloke
"Do you give in?" asked our hero so brave
Silas just nodded, the weak-livered knave
So Pelegiad punched him in his scrawny man-tit
And out with a curse the rat-turd he did spit
Silas was shamed and rode away the same day
And Pelegiad's comrades all shouted hurray
They drank and they ate amounts most absurd
And the next morning they cleaned up the rat turds
The Second Voyage of Pelegiad
The Second Voyage is attested through two primary sources, both of which are pictoral. The primary source is a series of Valaran stelae from the 2nd Century CE, with an intricate tapestry made in Brytene in roughly the 7th Century adding detail. These depict a tall, bearded figure carrying an axe of Brytisc design and wearing the extravagant raven-feather cloak commonly connected to Pelegiad.
The existence of the Valaran Pelagian Stelae is some of the strongest and most convincing proof of the existence of Pelegiad outside of Brytene. However, the Stelae makes no mention of the name of the bearded warrior-protagonist, leaving his identity open to discussion.
Both sources follow a similar pattern:
Panel 1: Pelegiad recieves a dream vision from a fair maiden
Panel 2: He sets sail, slaying a hydra on the way
Panel 3: He arrives in Skaran and is greeted with feasts
Panel 4: Corsair-sorcerers led by Kenneth Noisewater are seen pillaging and raiding
Panel 5: Marianne Skaran begs for help from Pelegiad and his warriors
Panel 6: Excessive drinking scene
Panel 7: Pelegiad duels and slays a giant lion
Panel 8: Pelegiad fights six corsairs at once
Panel 9: Excessive drinking scene
Panel 10: Pelegiad commits obscene acts upon corsair-sorcerer
Panel 11: More obscenity
Panel 12: Noisewater summons a dragon
Panel 13: Pelegiad launches himself from a catapult and kills it
Panel 14: Pelegiad duels and slays Noisewater
Panel 15: Noisewater unleashes Kraken with dying breath
Panel 16: Pelegiad returns to Marianne and great feasting
Panel 17: Explicit sex scene
Panel 18: Pelegiad sails home in what appears to be a boat made of biscuits (subject of much debate)
Panel 19: Excessive drinking scene
Many poems, books, and other adaptations exist of the Second Voyage.
The Third Voyage of Pelegiad
The Gloriously Tragic death of Pelegiad by volcano/kraken
Today
Pelegiad is a famous name to this day. A popular television show titled The Adventures of Pelegiad ran on the BBC from 1982-1991, with rumours of a 2015 renewal recently emerging on social media.
The highest military decoration of Brytene, the Golden Seal of Pelegiad, is named after him.
The CFS Pelegiad, the largest ship in the Confederate Brytisc Fleet, was named after him upon its launch in 2013, and the House Teorell officially claim to be his descendants.