2022 Vitosian Parliamentary Election

The 2022 Vitosian Parliamentary Election is to be held on November 8th, 2022 to elect members of the Estate of Commons to the 67th Vitosian Parliament as well as determine the next, potentially 36th, Prime Minister of Vitosium.

June Interviews

The David Timbend Show

Transcript

Date	Candidate	Transcript
June 11th	Martin Da Luz	David Timbend Everybody welcome, from the People's Conventional Party ... Martin Da Luz! David Timbend How are you feeling? Things must be tense out there. Martin Da Luz This is nothing, absolutely nothing. You know, my father was a candidate as well. While he didn't win, he was an inspiration to the nation, especially our amazing PCP. David Timbend So, early last year, we thought that we would be talking to Glauco Melo. Tell me, who is Martin Da Luz? Our audience wants to know. Martin Da Luz Well, David, I am a proud graduate of Rhoti United. I got myself a master's degree in economics. How many people can say that? We have these law school graduates in the running but I am a bona fide economics graduate. These second rate candidates brag about Graycott ... and whatever other school they went to. Rhoti United provides the best so you know I have something to give. I was even born in the gorgeous and downright amazing metropolis of Nethersole. Nethersole, in case you don't know, has Rhoti United University. David Timbend Is there anything else you would like to tell us about yourself? Martin Da Luz I am a father of two healthy boys! I mean, admit it, a father who is also a graduate of Rhoti United University ... you can't get any better than that! My wife, Larissa, is an amazing supporter of mine. She does these Owlers and other apps these kids have--you know, I've been learning how to make Owlers on the app. David Timbend I believe you are referring to hoots. Martin Da Luz I know what I mean, David. Okay, so, Larissa and I have been married for 12 years. My past couple of wives didn't know what they were missing. Caryn and Margaret? Who? They were nothing to me. Larissa Da Luz? The best thing to ever happen to me. David Timbend So, let us pause there. So, you are the proud leader of the People's Conventional Party. What qualifies you to be our nation's leader? Martin Da Luz You want qualifications, David? Do you really need to ask? I am a genuine graduate of Rhoti United University in the proud town of Nethersole, Rhoti, Vitosium. I graduated with a master's degree in economics. Economics! Do you know what that word means, David? David Timbend I do. Martin Da Luz What does it mean, David? Tell me. David Timbend What does that word mean to you, Mr. Da Luz? Martin Da Luz Let me tell you what it means, David. It means I am qualified. David Timbend To you, what is the definition of leadership? Martin Da Luz To be a leader, you first have to get the best education you can imagine! I'm talking about Rhoti United University with a master's degree in economics, David. After that, you have proven yourself. You have what it takes! When you graduate from Rhoti United, you are a true man of the people. You can do anything! David Timbend So, the true definition of leadership is graduation? Wouldn't that make any graduate a leader by default? Martin Da Luz That is where you are wrong, David. David Timbend, that is where you are wrong. Very wrong. You are so wrong on that, David. You can not imagine how wrong you are, David. Come on, David, you know how wrong you are. You know, right, David? David Timbend Please tell me. Martin Da Luz David ... David Timbend ... David Timbend, who was born somewhere in the province of Navocalco ... David. You have forgotten what it really means to be a leader and it isn't just graduating from any school. You know where I graduated from, right? It was Rhoti United University with a master's degree in economics. David Timbend Let us move on. Martin Da Luz I was right about Navocalco, right? David Timbend I was born in Tolagovia, actually. Anyway, let us move on. Martin Da Luz Whatever. Close enough. David Timbend What are some major concerns and issues facing Vitosium right now? Martin Da Luz Here is an easy one. We aren't engaging in any wars! We need to protect our allies, David! We need to storm the countries of our enemies and show them that Vitosium should not be messed with! Also, we have this weird obsession with nature. The environment needs our help? The environment is fine, David! It's fine! We are using the environment so, no matter what, it is technically an environment! I mean ... will we be having protests to keep our parking lots clean? Where will our cars go, David? Cars should stay in parking lots! Will we be planting trees on those parking lots? Parking lots aren't meant for trees, David! David Timbend The idea of the environmental movement is to keep our planet clean and to help with our international issue of climate change. Martin Da Luz You tell me that I can't chop a few trees down for a cabin? You ... are you telling me that, David? This movement must believe that a cabin will melt all these icebergs. Will my cabin melt every iceberg at once? These ... these whackjobs want to take away our cabins, David. They will destroy them with their bombs and nuclear plant seeds! They will then rebuild these trees using the logs from our poor cabins. After that ... we will all be homeless, David. David Timbend Homeless? Martin Da Luz Do I need to spell it out for you? Vincent Gatostico and his tree-cuddling regime are afraid of us living in our perfectly normal and natural cabins! If they take away the cabins, they can rebuild the trees and pray to some Tree God they probably believe exist. Do you know what will happen then, David? That Tree God ... will make us all gay like Vincent Gatostico! Is that what you want? We can't appease this Tree God! David Timbend What? Martin Da Luz This is the gay agenda. The gay agenda is trees. David Timbend Well, that's all the time we have. Thank you for joining us.