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| The Vitosium Press
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September 1st, 2020
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| Vitosium Legalizes Marijuana
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The time has finally come, folks! Marijuana has been legalized in Vitosium! Yesterday, Prime Minister Vincent Gatostico gave the announcement during a press briefing after last week's meeting with the Supreme Court and the Cabinet. While Gatostico reportedly does not smoke marijuana himself, he has recognized the health benefits and made a move to help his citizens out, giving people another reason to choose him over Raymond Venancias any day.
Venancias, the previous Prime Minister that put Vitosium into an economic crisis, had this to say.
"He's clearly just pandering to the public," he said. "I never pandered and did whatever I could for my country. The man's a colossal failure, honestly."
Football player and known marijuana advocate, Mariano Vela, praised the efforts of Gatostico while chastising Venancias.
"At least Prime Minister Gatostico has been doing SOMETHING for this country," he stated. "In the span of two years, the economy has been increasing and he has re-introduced free health care. Venancias can't name anything he has done for the country and lies every-time he attempts to do so."
When asked about the legalization of marijuana in the country, Vela apologized for his rant and continued.
"Vitosium has needed this for so long and we are finally getting it," he told us. "Now we just need to make sure people aren't arrested for it."
Vitosians on social media celebrated the news.
"IMMA STERT A POT BUSNESS BOIIIIII," obnoxiouswannabe75 excitedly tweeted.
"WE DID IT BOIS! The green government lizards caved in and gave us more green!" tweeted ilovethecolourgreen3875.
"Got higher than the ceiling this morning and now I'm stuck on the roof. Please help!" a concerned greenalienboi5 tweeted.
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| Bona Fide Housewife Calls For Spin-Off
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On Bona Fide Housewives of Aplatta, people will remember current Housewife, Ana-Silva Nouveia, as the eccentric party girl who loves to gossip and start up drama. The former fan favourite spoke to talk show host, David Timbend, about how she wants her own spin off show.
"I don't know what you will call it," she said. "Maybe just Ana-Silva. The show will, obviously, focus on my family and fashion line. It'll give viewers a look into my life without my beef with Magalla."
Viewers will remember that, for the past four seasons, Nouveia and Magalla Moracoso have gotten into multiple arguments including a now infamous one from the latest season that saw the two women literally yelling at each-other in a restaurant. No words--just pure yelling. Their beef started back in 2017--Season 6--where Nouveia recorded a song with Moracoso, a pop star, only for Nouveia to try and claim all rights to the song. The following year, Moracoso won the rights to the song, leading to an already tense "friendship" shattering completely.
"I can confirm that I have been asked to come back for the 2021 season," she told us. "Same with Magalla, unfortunately. That doesn't mean I don't want my own spin off show where it is truly the Ana-Silva show."
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| Grillbob Burntpants Cancelled After 12 Years
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Yesterday evening, the official Twitter account for Grillbob Burntpants has announced that VTV will not be picking the show up for another season, ending its run after 12 years.
The former children show turned adult show, Grillbob Burntpants, was created by Gilio Bunopasso and premiered back in 2008 to children everywhere. The show starred the titular Grillbob Burntpants along with his friend, Adam Coal, and the now famous internet sensation, Rocky Sands, a literal rock. The cartoon started out innocently enough but, around Season 5--2013--the show became more and more bizarre, eventually becoming infamous for all the wrong reasons.
"I don't know where the show went wrong," producer Jack Fonnas told us. "The show just felt so right."
"This is my child," roared Gilio Bunopasso in an interview with David Timbend. "My child has now died a painful death!"
While the cartoon was rather bizarre, so was the creator of the show as well. Gilio Bunopasso has become a meme on the internet for his reckless stunt and weird ramblings while still showing that he can be a genius at writing.
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| Grillbob Burntpants Cancelled After 12 Years
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Many know the famous TV producer, Day Sommerville, for her work on many shows as well as creating Faded Dreams and Midnight Game. In an interview with talk show host, Miranda Tabiasso, Sommerville said this statement.
"Many people ask me what I am going to work on next," she started. "I have a few ideas of shows I can create."
When asked about that, Sommerville replied with this.
"Many people love Faded Dreams, which is still going on today," she said. "I would love to make another show but whether that would happen in 2021 is yet to be seen."
Sommerville, whose real name is Davina Joanna Rega, has worked on over ten shows at this point since 2003 with many of them lasting for years, including Faded Dreams, a beloved sitcom that began in 2006. We are excited to see what she works on in the future.
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| Pop Star Claims She Is Bored Of Making Pop Music
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May Cliffend, a children's TV show actress turned pop star, told us in an interview last night that she is ready to move on from making pop music.
"I have two albums," she told us. "I think that is enough. The thought of making more bores me."
When asked why, this was her response.
"Pop is out. Country is in," she said. "I want to make one country album and then become a famous rock star like my uncle."
This "uncle" she is referring to is Michael Bendino, a guitarist for Zaguna Waves.
"Let her do what she wants," Bendino said on Twitter. "She's a big girl with big ambitions. Stop telling her what she can and can't do!"
Social media, however, was split.
"YAAAAS!" istalkcelebrities65 tweeted. "Queen May working on country music is a big step up!"
"Stop acting like you're above it all!" tweeted mycomputersuxgivemoney194. "'The thought of making more bores me'. Get off your high horse!"
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| The Vitosium Press
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September 8th, 2020
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| Prime Minister Announces Plan To Maintain Biodiversity
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Yesterday, Prime Minister Vincent Gatostico signed the Marine Protection Act, which enables sustainable fishing and other commercial activities. The citizens of Vitosium are now able to enjoy recreational and cultural activities while preserving environmental health and the integrity of marine environments. Prime Minister Gatostico spoke to the press to address destructive practices in essential marine environments, including unsustainable harvesting of marine organisms, heavy tourist traffic, waste dumping, and industrial activities.
"Things need to change," he told the press. "The Marine Protection Act will reasonably restrict things like the dumping of waste and industrial activities including oil drilling and refinement".
The Sassarta Marine Research Facility applauded Gatostico's move, calling it something that Raymond Venancias, Gatostico's predecessor, would never do.
"Vincent knows what the country needs," research associate professor, Dr. Shane Vanisello stated. "This is the move in the right direction and, if we stuck with Venancias, I'm sure he would rather kill the ecosystem than do anything to save it. He did try to destroy the economy after all."
Prime Minister Vincent Gatostico also announced the Vitosian Committee for the Preservation of Marine Environments (VCPME) to oversee the protection of critical marine environments.
Regarding the press conference, this is what social media had to say.
"YAAAAS! Protect the fish or get the F@CK OUT!" tweeted Vitosian indie game developer, SeaLlamaHasTwitter.
"Why dose the cometee need such a fecking long name!" Justarebble tweeted.
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| Vitosium is Top 5 For Most Secular
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Over the past ten years, Vitosium has established itself as a mostly Atheist country. Now, as of this month, citizens can be pleased that the country is now top 5 in the world for "most secular", meaning "not subject to or bound by religious rule".
In 2008, John Patrick Longetti had ordered his cult, "Johnville", to rampage the streets and murder people deemed not worthy of Heaven. The massacre shook the nation as 5820 people were killed that night, leading to Longetti and his 7000 cult members to commit suicide upon his orders. Over the course of the next two years, the citizens turned against religion and, as of 2010, around 80% of the country vowed to never worship anybody to avoid another Johnville massacre.
"I lost my cousin in the 2008 massacre," tweeted Big Brother Season 4 winner, Shonee Valino. "I wasn't religious to begin with but she was and they still took her life because she was 'unworthy'."
In fact, Valino's cousin was more than just religious. Her cousin, Michelle Valino-Watt, was a pastor at the Saint Michael Presbyterian Church. She was on her way home when she was ambushed by eight Johnville cult members.
At this point, only 4% of the country is religious and are respected for that. After all, none of them could rise to the levels of insanity as John Patrick Longetti.
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| Appia Releases Sixth Album
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Pop sensation, Appia, whose real name is Apella Sanguinelli, released her sixth album, "Here I Am", three days ago to an enormous fanfare from the country. The 34 year old, who is married to interior designer, Sofia Sarti, told the press that she hopes to inspire the next generation of pop stars with this album. Songs like "Give" and "Hurricane" have led to many to open up about their pasts and thank Appia for the songs in question.
"My mom was a fantastic person but the same can't be said about my dad", Appia told the press. "Hurricane tells my story of how my sister and I overcame the trauma received from him and not let it consume us."
While many know that Appia's mother is Rachelle Sinato, the inventory of the uplift bra, she has told nothing about her father until the album's release. Famous fashion designer, Rachelle Sinato, had this to say.
"All I will say is that their dad's name was Collin," she said. "He contacted me last year and tried to somehow blackmail Apella and Mariella due to how successful they have become. He is just jealous that he can never be in their lives again."
Appia's sister and famous fashion designer, Guinelle, whose real name is Mariella Salley, had this to say.
"Appia has been a mega inspiration to many people, including myself," she told us. "I'm glad her music and charity foundations made a difference."
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| Cely Maria Announces Retirement
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Cely Maria, who is most known as the host of Love Sanctuary and Vitosium's Next Top Model, has announced her retirement.
Cely, whose real name is Celina-Marie Talini, began modelling when she was only 16. Nine years later, she had her acting debut as Stacey Chambers in the cult comedy hit, Revenge of the College Dropouts. Her success as a model led some EBTV producers to jumpstart Vitosium's Next Top Model in 2013 with her as the host. Four years later, she was approached again and became the host of Love Sanctuary.
While social media has questioned her decision to retire at 42, others feel like she has enough money to retire.
"Love Sanctuary won't be the same without her," Season 1 winner, Brandon Ceresy, tweeted.
EBTV has already began searching for a new host to replace her with many suspecting Joni Via to take her place.
"Joni Via is the obvious answer!" tweeted lovesanctuaryfan28485.
"THE BEAUTIFUL AND STUNNING JONI VIA NEEDS TO BE NEW HOST!!!!!" tweeted Jordanhasnolife248.
Joni Via is an energetic actress who made her debut in 2012 and has been in over ten movies since then. With her being in everybody's minds, there is a possibility that she could replace Cely Maria as the host of Love Sanctuary. What about Vitosium's Next Top Model? At the moment, nobody knows if the show will even continue without her.
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| The Vitosium Press
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September 15th, 2020
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| Prime Minister Focuses on Ensuring Effectual Recycling
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In a press conference yesterday, Prime Minister Keito Gatostico, who had just announced the Marine Protection Act last week, now introduced the Effectual Recycling Act.
"Due to a rapid economic growth, a larger volume of waste has been produced," he said. "Promoting and mandating recycling could reduce waste and prevent it from contaminating our ecosystem even further."
He went on to say that waste, specifically "recyclable waste", can be safely reprocessed into a material or product that can be reused for a practical purpose such as in manufacturing. He hopes this act can raise awareness of recycling as a method to reuse waste, encourage inhabitants and businesses to use recycling centres to recycle recyclable waste and promote the usage or purchase of items made from recycled materials.
Regarding the press conference, this is what social media had to say.
"YAAAAS! Protect the environment or get the F@CK OUT!" tweeted Vitosian indie game developer, SeaLlamaHasTwitter.
"THIS is what a good Prime Minister looks like," tweeted mystandardsarelow234.
"What about te anoying geesew?! how can i thro sit at them if im baned!!! FAKE!!!" tweeted dujeejhdjejrt8534868697.
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| Three Stabbed in Downtown Ovavo
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Ovavo police have made an arrest in an apparent random act of violence in the downtown core. Two men and one woman were stabbed in the Bayshore downtown district of Ovavo, Maydover Island. Police Chief Nadia Renetto told the press that it’s just the latest in a series of crimes that have downtown residents nervous.
Controversial VidTuber, MaydoverPrinceLord, recorded the attack as Michael Chambers (27), unprovoked, attacked Adam Krevin (32), Mia Cobo (46) and Tobino Paranta (41). However, it was another witness, Cameron Calotaro, who called the cops. Other witnesses joined and managed to subdue Chambers as the police arrived. The youtuber, whose real name is Russell Cotao, refused to hand over the video evidence, claiming that his audience "deserved to see it before the whole country", leading to his arrest for obstruction of justice and the phone being confiscated into police custody.
As for the victims, Krevin is in critical condition while Cobo and Paranta are expected to leave the hospital within a week. Diana Krevin, Adam's mother, told the press this morning that he was on his way to his accounting job when the attack happened. She is glad that her son is still alive and hopes that he can be on a speedy recovery.
This is what social media had to say.
"MPL AND CHAMBERS WORKED TOGETHER! HOW CAN NOBODY SEE THAT?!" tweeted FrickFunk38475.
"WHO STABS PEOPLE FOR NO REASON?!" iaskgoodquestions847 tweeted.
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| Gang Leader Pleads Guilty To Lawyer's Murder
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In 2019, Marciano Calimoros, an already famous lawyer, gained further fame from prosecuting Michael Cobo-Rowley, who was a serial killer with connections to a couple of gangs. On August 18th, Calimoros was found murdered inside a warehouse owned by Davenport Manufacturing with many speculating that the killer had to have some sort of connection to Cobo-Rowley.
Last week, police found that particular connection between him and Snak3s Gang leader, Joey Salvatori, with evidence suggesting that the two were very close. Further evidence then proved that Salvatori was connected to the disappearance of Calimoros and his childhood friend, Barbosio Corvas, leading to his arrest. While in custody, Salvatori confessed to killing Corvas but gave no information regarding his role in Calimoros' murder.
Yesterday, in court, Joey Salvatori pleaded guilty this morning in court to five different murders including that of Calimoros. While he had already confessed to Corvas' murder, the presiding judge questioned Salvatori on the other three victims. As revealed by Joey himself, the other three victims were next on Michael Cobo-Rowley's "death list" and Salvatori, himself, wanted to finish the job. Joey Salvatori was sentenced to life in prison.
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| Carvala Tamley Declares "Break From Music"
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16 year old Vitosian pop sensation, Carvala Tamley, told her fans on social media this morning that she was taking a break. Tamley had been having a social media meltdown for the past two months, raging against haters and even her fans, leading many to conclude that a 16 year old having fame was too much for her to handle. Tamley seemingly agreed.
"DUDES!111!!!11!! ALL YOU GODAM HATTERS AND FAKE FANS DONT DESERVE MEEEE!!!!" she tweeted this morning. "YOU ALL SUCK EVERYTHING! EVEN VEGGIES! YOU ALL SUCK! IM TAKING A BREAK BECAUSE OF YOU ALL! NOW NOBODY GETS A NEW ALBUM!!!!!!!!!!"
Just yesterday, Tamley declared that nobody loved her and everybody wanted to use her before attacking the appearances of fans she took a picture with just last week. With social media against her, the pressure was too much.
"Carvala is a sweet girl," her mother, Dana Tamley, told the press. "Back when I had her in pageants, she was the sweetest girl you could ever imagine!"
When asked about her meltdowns, Dana Tamley responded with this.
"My girl is being bullied on social media," she said. "The pageant judges bullied her, the recording studio bullied her, her fans bullied her and even the media is bullying her. She knows all this because I made sure she knew this. She is strong because she has me as a support in her life."
As for how long the break will last, neither Carvala nor Dana Tamley commented.
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| The Vitosium Press
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September 22nd, 2020
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| Terrorism in the Skies!
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On September 16th, a suicide bomber blew up Air Andaluni Flight 553 while it was en-route to Vongane, Quetana, from Jade Harbor, Zamastan. All 178 people aboard were killed. Kalumaan Al-Babur was identified by the Emmirian State Security Committee as the bomber. Many in Vitosium suspect Al-Fijar, a dangerous terrorist group based in Central Ausiana, specifically Jaginistan, Malvare, and Pekastan.
On September 20th, an attempted attack on Omicron Airlines Flight U829 was foiled. The planned bomber, identified as Ahmad Suadya Mumaar, attempted to blow up the plane mid-flight from Amarjel, Durnstaal to Vessalia, Avergnon. Passengers were able to subdue the would-be bomber and he was arrested by Durnstaal's Central Intelligence Bureau upon the plane's emergency landing.
Prime Minister Vincent Gatostico had this to say in yesterday's press conference.
"Al-Fijar are nothing but cowards," he told the press. "They believe they are doing the right thing but nobody wins when you resort to terrorism!"
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| Super Cat Actress Hopes for Fifth Movie
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In 1998, Pala Pinio starred as Ava Tiabra, an anthropomorphic cat accountant, in the now famous Super Cat franchise. Ava Tiabra, who wanted more excitement in her life, was given more than she bargained for when she was inherited the role of Super Cat, kicking off the plot for four movies. In the fourth movie, released in 2019, Ava's daughter, Katie, would be given the role of Super Cat upon her retirement, setting the stage for many more movies to come.
Pinio was able to sit down in an interview with Nadia Cina of The Vitosium Press to talk about the franchise's success.
I remember when I was twelve watching the very first Super Cat movie. What was your reaction to the concept when you first heard it?
When Camla Sosa called me, I was just finishing up my role in Unoriginal Sin. I had worked before with her in Kung-Fu Doggo and was excited to work with her again. I remember her telling me "I wrote a movie based on a cat that is actually a super hero" and was thinking "that is super vague". She told me that Ava, my character, was an ideal role model for children and the message of the story is to not let others stop you from achieving your dreams. I told her that I was in.
Were you expecting the movie to be as successful as it was?
Camla Sosa directed it. A part of me knew that it was going to be successful after the fanfare to Kung-Fu Doggo two years prior. I wasn't expecting it to be even more successful, though.
So, you have just finished Super Cat 2 in 2004. What was that like?
I was 23 when I first played Ava Tiabra back in 1998. I didn't expect my legacy to surround the character. When we were done the second movie and it got critical acclaim, it made me happy to see so many people enjoy it. A part of me wanted a third and a fourth and a fifth movie!
You are known for your roles in adventure and horror movies. What is it like to be recognized as the voice of THE Ava Tiabra?
It is nuts! My mom called me up last week and says that my nephew binge-watched the movies and was like "that sounds like Aunty Paulina". Paulina is my real first name, by the way. I went over to my sister's place and gave him some Super Cat plushies! I didn't tell him that I voiced the character, though. Children have vivid imaginations and I want him to think of Ava as a role model and not just a character voiced by his aunt.
So, four movies are done. Do you think the franchise is finished?
Absolutely not! I am hoping for a fifth movie, to be honest. Camla hasn't told me anything but I hope she writes the next one soon.
Haha! Let's hope that a fifth movie can happen, then! Thank you so much for talking to me, Pala.
Of course! Anytime! Thank you for the interview.
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| Susi Oberk is Returning To Bona Fide Housewives Despite Rumours
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Ever since Oberk's return to Bona Fide Housewives of Gatovita in 2019, many saw her bring the drama and "spill tea" as she says but no storyline brought more attention on her than the one from the most recent season that saw her marriage to Olympic Skier, Donny Oberk, begin to fail. The season saw the arguments grow more and more frequent until the two had to go to marriage counselling. While the state of their marriage became a big topic throughout the season, the Oberks kept reassuring others that everything was fine.
The end of the season left many questioning if Susi would return but, in a surprising twist, Oberk spoke to The Vitosium Press and said that, yes, she will be returning next season. She said that, between the season finale and now, the marriage is back on track and we will be seeing that in Season 8.
"Happy for Susi and Donny!" tweeted fellow Bona Fide Housewife star, Giulia Raymond. "YES! I can confirm that they are super happy together now! Stop harassing them!!!"
"Susi and I had our differences but I wish her and Donny the best!" tweeted Marcianne Abrilo, a Vitosian actress, as well as another Bona Fide Housewife star.
Others on social media are happy for the Oberks.
"SUSEE IS MAH FAVE! STAY MARIED! STAY HAPPY!" tweeted iwantsusishair24885.
"OMG YAAAAS! STAN SUSI!" susigivesmelife374 tweeted.
"You people have no life," tweeted Natano Sanmarina, an author.
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| The Vitosium Press
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September 29th, 2020
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| Mass Shooting In Valomao
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Early morning on September 27th, fifteen lives were lost and twenty two others were injured when a masked shooter opened fire on Parancia Street outside Adam's Steakhouse. On security cameras connected to the steakhouse, one can see the shooter, who was dressed in a green parka and blue jeans with an abstract white mask covering his whole head, approach the steakhouse when he turned, pulled out a pistol and fired upon the crowd across the street. He would then turn back around and fire inside the steakhouse. Daniel Moracolino, a construction worker, is next seen running towards the shooter and pinning him to the ground. Police were soon called and the shooter was arrested within ten minutes after the incident.
The shooter was later identified as Matthew Tiatto, a psychology student at Valomao University. Friends of Tiatto were all in denial that he was the culprit, calling him a "super kind and caring person". His friends also confirmed that the gun was never seen, or at least out, whenever they would visit him. Johnathan V. Waltas, Matthew's professor at Valomao University, spoke highly of him, calling him a bright student that always had a smile on his face. Not a single person connected to Tiatto believed that he could do it and were, understandably, upset upon learning of the crime and his involvement.
"Matty had a great childhood growing up," his mother, Donna Tiatto, told the press. "I always checked in to his schools to see if he was being bullied. Unless he hid that from the faculty and me, I don't see why he would do such a horrible thing."
"Matty is no son of mine," his father, David Tiatto, said. "Murderers will never be a part of my family! Not ever! Not now!"
As far as a motive, nobody could find one at the moment. However, he was unmasked on camera at the police department and he confessed, without hesitation, to the crime.
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| Restaurant Stays Open Day after Tragedy
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Witnesses who survived being killed in Matthew Tiatto's mass shooting in downtown Valomao were shocked to see Adam's Steakhouse opened the next day.
"The windows were not even fixed!" cried Melina Natasotto, a cashier from across the street. "It's like Adam lost his damn mind!"
"I barely got out of there with my life and he still expected me to come in for work," Michael Totolino angrily told us. "I'm not working there again and nobody else should either!"
The owner of the establishment, Adam Costio, sat down for an interview with us later that day.
Are you afraid of losing your business due to the tragedy?
"I have a lot to lose, Evan. I have a wife and three kids who depend on my steakhouse to life a good life."
You've already had two people quit. Don't you think it would have been better to wait a couple days or even a week before asking people to come back?
"My requests are not unreasonable. They need money to live and so do I. The world is not a gracious place where you can get your high end purses and skinny jeans for free."
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| "Murder Hornets" seen in Ciunia
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Entomologists with the Vitosian Government's Department of Agriculture say they have discovered what is believed to be the first giant hornet nest in Vitosium. After weeks of surveillance and setting up a network of traps, the nest was located Wednesday on a private property in Portaldas, Ciunia.
Officials were able to attach radio trackers to four hornets, the third of which led them to the discovery of the nest, while one other managed to chew its tracker off.
The giant hornets prey on all kinds of insects, including honey bees, and can quickly decimate colonies. While the hornets can inflict a painful sting on humans who get too close, they are most feared for their potential to harm local bee populations. A recent study revealed the large invasive hornet could spread throughout Adula unless there is a coordinated effort to stop them.
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| Day Sommerville Welcomes Third Child
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The famous TV producer announced the happy news on social media on Saturday, September 26th, sharing a photo showing her holding her newborn’s hand.
"WELCOME ANGEL HOPE REGA!!!" she posted. "Fausto and I are so happy! SMILES FROM CALLUM AND ARLOTTO AS WELL! Super happy family! So blessed right now! The love I feel for this tiny human is beyond my understanding."
Vito Weekly, another news source confirmed in April that the tv producer, 38, was pregnant. "To all the haters that said that Day and Fausto would never make it, they must feel really stupid right now," a source exclusively told Vito Weekly at the time.
The couple’s pregnancy news came three months after Fausto Rega's late grandfather was discovered to be the founder of a very dangerous crime syndicate in Diarora, Cunzava. "Coliso J. Rega was the only thing people asked me about for months," Fausto Rega told us on Monday. "People started defining me by my grandfather's actions but I never met the guy. My parents told me to always stay away from him and I'm grateful none of my kids will be able to meet him."
Callum Rega, who turned 15 last month, posted on social media: "I have a baby sisterrrr!!!!!!! YAYYYYYY!!!"
Day's mother, famous fashion designer, Antonelle Arville, welcomed her new grandchild on social media.
"Davina and Fausto are such amazing parents that I know Angel Hope Rega will be just fine," she posted. "Welcome to the world, baby girl!"
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