The Armed Republic of Birnir

Flag of Birnir
Motto: "Oh Mighty Pond Scum, ye are so mighty and....scummy"
Official languagesEsperanto
• President
Morgan Bandalag
• Estimate
HDI (2016)0.78
CurrencyGong (GON)
Date formatdd-mm-yyyy
Driving sideleft
Calling code+73
Internet TLD.BN

The Armed Republic of Birnir, or Birnir is a republic in the Coalition of Crown Albatross, bordered to the north by Gugrait, Cechena, and Constantio, as well as a maritime border with Cadair to the south, with the two only separated by the Yn Syth. Birnir and Cadair have been in a state of armed conflict since 2016, known as the Konkurso Conflict. The conflict has gone to the diplomatic tables on several occasions, with Zamastan delegating, but neither side has been able to agree to terms on the treaty. The talks have broken down each time, with violence following each time.


In 1920, just after World War 1, a group of Icelandic scientists discovered a large mountainous land full of Grizzly Bears. These weren't average bears however, they were more advanced than any species of bear known to date. They were often seen living in groups, standing on they're hind legs most of the time, and even using basic tools such as using rocks to crush and break thing open, large pieces of bark to dig, and even simple snares traps to catch food. In 1921 the head of research, Asvaldur Kiddason decided to open a new project: making the bears intelligent. With the help of a newly developed, and shortly discontinued learning enhancement drug called Heptachocchirhyglene, or Bobryde they taught Funi how to read, write, and even speak. In 1936 the country they were found in gained it's sovereignty in a peaceful agreement between it and Iceland. The new country was named Asvaldur, in honor of the late founder and head of the team that educated the Asogedslegt, and set up as a democracy with Vagn Lesson, another team member, as it's first president.

The Birnirian Civil War

A propaganda poster from the war.

In 1946 Tungumikill Hardstjori was elected president, being the 2nd president of Birnir. He declared the bear species (now officially known Asogedslegt) "mutant savages". He labeled them animals and refused them political rights, work, and even food. An uprising occurred and the bears formed an army. After four years of bloodbath for both sides The capital Morgaes was taken by the Asogedslegt.


The seven regions of Birnir

Birnir is divided into seven regions: Norður, Suður, Austur, Minnstur, Miðja, Vestur, and Fjallið.

International Relations

Until 2020 Birnir had almost no peaceful relations with any nations. In August of 2020 Morgan Bandalag received a message from Vitosium, requesting construction of an embassy. About a week later this request was fulfilled and construction began soon after.

Birnirian Religion

Kapolskt is the largest religion in Birnir, followed by Christianity and the Cult of Jeff the God of Biscuits.


Kapolskt is a religion similar to Roman Catholicism.

The Cult of Jeff the God of Biscuits

Jeff the God of Biscuits

The Cult of Jeff the God of Biscuits is centered around Jeff. It's founder is unknown, but it's influence is rising through Birnir at an alarming rate. Jeff followers have a weekly biscuit ritual, in which sometimes thousands of biscuits will be made. The sacred Biscuit is said to be so holy that only the most devout can see it, thus there is no evidence of it even existing.



The first president was the human Elvar Mýrkjartansson, who served for two terms. During his presidency he directed an extensive amount of research leading to the sentience of around 200 Asogedslegt. The current president of Birnir is Morgan Bandalag, of the Austur region. He was elected in 2019, after being the Minister of Foreign Affairs. He has currently served half of his six year term.

Birnirian Manufactoring

Birnir boasts a huge weapons manufacturing sector, along with massive cheese and electronic exports.

Osturút Flutningur Dairy

The largest and oldest cheese producer in Birnir is and company is Osturút Flutningur Dairy. It was started by Ósvífur Úlfarsson, his sister Alvilda Goðadóttir, and her husband Hjálmur Goðadóttir in the year 1926. It began in the small Birnirian town of Sólkatla, and they quickly became the main dairy source for the rest of the country. It is still based out of Sólkatla, and most of the dairy cows still graze the grass of Fjallið.

Verksmiðju Factory

The Verksmiðju Factory

There are five major factories in the country and several smaller factories as well. The largest of these is Verksmiðju.The Verksmiðju Factory is a massive, fully automated weapons factory spanning 6 Tommur (miles). This factory was built in 1972 and automated in 1985. It was built by Visinda Bjorn, the first female weapons designer in Birnirian history. It produces BG-series rifles, FHT-series tanks, NR and RBR-series attack robots, M-series pistols, and WD-15 assault airships.

Tölvuleiki Studios

Tölvuleiki Studios is based in the city of Borg, in Miðja Birnir. It is the largest console/video game developer in Birnir.

Birnirian scales and measurements

Birnirian English
Tommur Mile
Míla Inch
Fótur Foot
Bikar Cup